Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
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