Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
We are all done wearing pants today
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
Randomize
