I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
Randomize
