She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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