I wannas sexs uuuuu
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
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