She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
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