Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
It was like getting head from an anaconda
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Randomize
