did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Randomize
