two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
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