This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
Randomize
