DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
im about as happy as oj after his trial
Quick, to the slutcave!
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize