And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
Randomize
