I swear she didn't look like that last week.
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
Semen is not good for contacts.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
They left me at home... I'm a liability
Randomize
