I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
Randomize
