Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
Randomize
