Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
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