I cannot find my penis.
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
