so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
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