I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
