dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
Randomize
