The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
Randomize
