I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
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