This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
Randomize
