Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
When did angry sex become our thing?
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Randomize
