I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
Randomize
