They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
You need a sexual gate keeper
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
