I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
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