Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
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