If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
Randomize
