Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
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