so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
