just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
Randomize