I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
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