Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
Randomize
