he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Randomize
