Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
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