1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
Randomize
