tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
Randomize
