if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
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