honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
