i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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