Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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