Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Randomize
