well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
Im just a social blackout drinker.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
