And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
Randomize
