i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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