Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Randomize
