I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Randomize
