i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
