she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
So much Jack, so little girl.
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
