i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Randomize