sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
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