escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
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