yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
