I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
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