So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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