Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
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