His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
