can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
Randomize
