I like my sex mixed with concussions.
We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize
