my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Randomize
