Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
