I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
