Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
