you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Randomize
