dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
Randomize
