I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
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