im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
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