If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
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