please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize