Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
