i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
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