never play flip cup with pint glasses
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
Randomize
