Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Randomize
