I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
Randomize