Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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