ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize