Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
Randomize
