Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
Randomize