I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
Randomize
