so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Randomize
