porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
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