I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
Randomize
