I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
Randomize
