we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
two words: eviction party
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
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