Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
Randomize
