Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Randomize