True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
Randomize
