it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
Randomize