I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
You have to summon your inner elephant
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
