I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
Randomize
