I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
Randomize