walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Randomize
