she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
