I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
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