We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
Randomize
