Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
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