If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
