You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
