my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
I want a musical about memes.
Randomize
