So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
