Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Randomize
