I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
Randomize
